


the coffee shop au nobody asked for

by kratoes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, I wanna tag humour but I honestly suck at being funny???, M/M, OOC, literally this is utter trash but kylux ruins me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5600188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kratoes/pseuds/kratoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bc every ship needs a coffee shop au</p><p>Kylo works at a coffee shop (and he totally isn't just bitter yet sexually attracted to a certain ginger because of a stolen chance of working for Hot Topic) while Hux keeps on kinkshaming Darth Vader</p>
            </blockquote>





	the coffee shop au nobody asked for

**Author's Note:**

> you all knew there would be a coffee shop au eventually  
> this is garbage smh don't take this seriously

Kylo Ren never wanted to work at a coffee shop, in fact he wanted to work at Hot Topic but he was declined. Still, he needed money to buy Darth Vader memorabilia so he decided to get a job at The First Order coffee shop. Mainly because it was a rivaling franchise from his parents own shop The Resistance coffee _and tea_ (as if tea made it any better) but mostly it was because of the dark ~~side~~ vibe it had. Also his boss let him wear his helmet.

He hears the door chime, looking up to see a customer walk in. Usually he’d scowl through his helmet but with this particular customer he’d rather break three coffee machines. Right in front of him was the person who took his place at Hot Topic. Kylo starts to feel glad that he didn’t wear a helmet during the interview because the ginger wouldn’t recognize him now. Yes, this is good.

The ginger man starts to look at Kylo warily, skeptical seeing the whole helmet ordeal. After an obvious reconsideration playing in his head, he continues walking towards the counter. “I see you have a new… employee.” he says to Phasma who in return gives a shrug. He then gives a tight smile before telling his order to Kylo.

“Name?”

“Hux.”

Without a second thought he writes down ‘Sux’ and gives the cup to Phasma to tend too. The audible confused anger Hux has when Phasma calls out “Is there a…Sux here?” has honestly turned out to be the highlight of Kylo’s day and when the ginger practically marches towards him with complaints he only shrugs.

“Do you think this is funny?”

“And if I do?”

Hux looks at Kylos name tag in distaste. “Kylo Ren,” he starts, looking as if he had a very long rant already planned out but then he closes it, opting for a glare with eyes resembling blue ice. “I don’t need to waste my breath complaining to a guy who can’t even face me properly. You are the only person in this establishment wearing a helmet and it is absurd that someone would hire you.”

Phasma ends up laughing from the sideline, only stopping when Kylo looks at her. Despite what a weirdo the helmet made Kylo look like, it also gave off a threatening character.

“It is none of your business as to why I wear this helmet,” his voice ends up giving Hux chills, an additional reason to reconsider messing with Kylo but then the other continues with “and the only reason I work here is because you took my job at Hot Topic!”

It only seems to increase the amount of confused frustration in Hux.“What are you talking about?”

“I was there for the interview too and you took my chance of getting discounts at the greatest thing to exist besides Darth Vader.” 

Hux blinks, trying to compose himself by how completely dumbfounded he was. He’d been at the interview too? But the only person he remembered was the man with the oddly beautiful face and the flowing black hair. This fucking weirdo couldn’t have been him. “Get rid of your helmet.” he ends up saying.

He notices Kylo’s body stiffening for a second before the other lifts his hands up to remove his helmet and right in front of Hux is indeed the beautiful man from the interview. His expression is as cold as his voice was from before and it makes Hux feel fear yet an odd sense of… attraction?

Damn. This son of a bitch.

His face must have bared all his emotions because Kylo merely smirks.

“I’m never coming here again.” Hux announces, giving a curt nod as he struts off.

He ends up coming much too often than he should.

 

 

“I care about you as much as the stars in the sky right now.” 

“Its daytime.” Hux points out, clearly not amused.

“Exactly.” Kylo very much is amused. Or at least Hux assumes so by his tone of voice, the helmet still intact on his head despite many complaints from customers. Phasma had informed him so when he had wondered why the store always seemed to be conveniently vacant during his disputes with Kylo.

"At least I'm not the president of a fan club for a person who thinks hugging people by the throat is fun. You probably had to bribe others to join." Hux counters back.

Kylo halts, leaning into Hux as he asks "Wait where did you get that information? It’s supposed to be a secret organization."

"You disgust me Kylo Ren."

 

 

Eventually, Kylo gets called out by his boss Snoke and they have a brief chat over how they’re "fucking losing customers so you better get rid of the helmet or I’ll get rid of you.”

“But Supreme Leader my helmet—“

“I need you to reach your full potential as a barista Kylo, the light side is earning more than we do. Your bucket is frightening even the emos away.”

“I see.” Kylo accesses, no, endures. Also he wasn't _really_ a barista because everyone was scared he actually would start breaking coffee machines but he let it slide. “I will seek to not disappoint you.”

“We shall see, Kylo Ren. We shall see.”

 

 

“Lost your helmet in the trash, Ren?” is the first thing Hux mentions when he enters the shop, schooling his pleasant surprise with an eyebrow raised.

Phasma answers him first, with an amused “Supreme Leader retracted his helmet rights.”

“We were losing to the Resitance. Its bringing back customers though.” Kylo continues solemnly, slumping his head into is hands on the counter table.

It piques Hux’ curiousity, just why was Kylo so sad for his lost of helmet privileges when the only thing it did was hide such an… ethereal-- despicable face. Right. _Of course it was very despicable._ So he asks, minus the face mention.

“It just made me feel a bit like Darth Vader. It felt like I knew the path to take in life.” Kylo says it in such a spirited tone that it nearly convinced Hux, until he realised just how _fucking stupid_ it sounded.

“You probably have an entire Darth Vader shrine.”

Kylo pauses for a second, remembering every single moment he would talk to his Darth Vader helmet replica only because it was the only thing who would listen to him. “Well you’re not wrong.” He replies with a cough.

“Your boner for Darth Vader is as hard as his own breathing. It’s a wonder how your face is wasted on such a creepy fixation.”

“Are you trying to say you like my face?”

“I’m saying you’re a fucking disgrace. Farewell Kylo.” Hux mutters hurriedly, walking away and Kylo stares at his figure leaving in amusement, how tense his shoulders were and what a nice ass he had. He’s so caught up in it that he doesn’t realize a new customer right in front of him until Phasma physically nudges him with her foot.

 

 

Honestly, did Kylo think he was creative thinking up of all these other petty names to annoy Hux with? It only proved that he was deaf and stubborn.

Over the amount of days Hux had come to the coffee shop he had received cups scrawled with the words Weasley, Ginger Spice (“Your fascination with my hair colour is outstanding” ), Posh Spice which was honestly a compliment and Trash which obviously received a very vocal reaction despite how middle school the insult was.

Eventually after demanding Kylo to write down his actual name to the point he uttered “It’s H-U-X _you illiterate fool._ ” Hux had received a cup written with _Hucks_. He curtly gave a smirking Kylo the middle finger as he left, ignoring the genuine laugh he heard growing more and more distant.

And then today Kylo had written _Fucks_.

“Not a bad suggestion right?” Kylo asks, his aura emitting just how proud he was. Did he really think he was clever?

Hux scoffs. “I don’t need any suggestions from you.”

“ _Really?_ ” and then Kylo has the audacity to bite his lip.

“Yes, _really._ ”

Kylo smirks, his face lighting up as if he had a revelation on how to make Darth Vader real “And yet you come here nearly every day. Didn’t you say you’d never come back?”

Every part of his brain is blaring with red light signals screaming to abort but Hux is just as stubborn when it comes to Kylo so he tries to compose himself and utters “Maybe you just compel me to fight you.”

“I have a better verb starting with F in my mind.”

“I suppose you do.” He replies, rivaling the intense gaze headed towards him. Honestly one of his worst ideas since meeting Kylo.

They end up fucking in the toilet.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trash but if you've reached the end yOU'RE TRASH TOO  
> WE ALL LIVE IN THE GARBAGE COMPACTOR  
> wtf do you mean I suck at endings?? pshh I have nO IDEA what you're talking about
> 
> also hit me up on tumblr @jupiterquill


End file.
